My thoughts, UNCENSORED

I hate how when I try to go to bed, I end up laying here and getting lost in tumblr posts. Tumblr made me realize that I’m tired of waiting for that special someone to come into my life. I’ve given up hope and am ok with the fact that I’m alone. It makes me feel stronger because I can live my life without anyone there to tell me that everything is gonna be ok. I can go through life’s toughest challenges alone, without anyone to help. Thank you tumblr for giving me the strength to finally accept that being single and alone isn’t a bad thing. It’s just not for everyone.

Time is something that you can’t really put a price on and means soo much to me. I’ve given you all the free time that I’ve had just to try and hang out with you, but nothing in return. I try and be there for you whenever I can, but if I’m not the one to hit you up, I will definitely never hear from you. I’m seriously TIRED of people using me because they know I’ll do pretty much ANYTHING for them. I sacrifice soo much of my time and money driving to the OC for friends that I’m making myself stressed all the time. I’m tired, just….tired. You’ve shown me that I will never find people that would treat me the way I treat everyone else. I’m DONE.

I think I’ve lost the ability to care about other people…

It’s part of life. It’s all about making mistakes and leaning from them. I’ve done A LOT of stupid things growing up and I know it. But now I know not to do certain things because I’ve done it before and I’m not stupid enough to do it again. I think it’s time for me to put all those mistakes together and learn to GROW UP. No more “YOLO” or “Fuck it” kind of nights. I need to be the most responsible person ever made….well….at least TRY to be. I’ve already started not going out as much and now I’m getting weed vibes from friends when I do decide to go out. Well then damn….I guess I’m not gonna make an effort anymore. I was only trying to get my shit together. Oh we’ll….another mistake, another lesson learned. It’s part of growing up.

himez:

Still, the smallest things remind me of you
and I wish they didn’t because one second
I’m completely fine, and the next
I feel a piece of myself crack.

I mean, I’m okay.  But.. at the same time I’m not.

I do not look forward to the day when things that I remembered so vividly, become but a hazy figment of old memories… The tragedy is that you’re conscious that you’re letting go, because you have to.  Because he is.

I mean, I’m okay.  But at the same time, I’m not.

We need to have a day where we can just EAT our feelings away…maybe with a good movie too! Lol. :D

I’m determined to make something out of myself. I want to be able to say I experienced all the hardships and stress and got through it ok. I don’t really wanna say this but… if I lose some friends along the way, they weren’t really trying to stay friends.

I think it’s the right time for me to take a step back from my social life and focus on ME. I find this sort of peacefulness when I am alone and don’t have to worry about other people. Bye bye for now.